


Maybe Someday

by Cottonstones



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Anal Sex, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Infidelity, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 10:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11689320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cottonstones/pseuds/Cottonstones
Summary: What Arin's scared of more than anything else is talking to Dan and everything changing. He’s afraid that Dan won’t be okay, that Dan will have decided he can’t come back to them, that everything around Arin will crumble because of one stupid impulsive decision.Game Grumpsbegan on an impulse and it just as easily could end because of one.





	Maybe Someday

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission by the wonderful fancypatchestkv over on my tumblr! Please note that this fics revolves around infidelity and hiding things from your spouse. If that concept makes you uncomfortable I'm gonna suggest you skip this one. Title is taken from We Won't by Jaymes Young.

Dan’s movement catches Arin’s attention out of the corner of his eye. He glances away from the TV where Link is running through the endless greenery of the open-ended world of _Breath of the Wild_ and he sees Dan tugging the throw blanket that’s draped over the back of the couch into his lap. Arin watches as Dan shifts his spindly legs up onto the couch, knees pressing against his chest as he curls the blanket around his shoulders, creating a soft cocoon of fabric around himself. 

Arin can’t help but smile. Dan looks absurdly comfortable in his shell of blanket, his wild mane of curls peeking out from the edges. Arin is focused on Dan, but it seems like Dan is focused on the game because he clears his throat and then his eyes cut to Arin. 

Arin blinks, tries to act like he hadn’t been staring. Sometimes it was easy for him to get lost in his thoughts, especially thoughts about Dan. There are often so many of them, too many opportunities for Arin to get lost in his appreciation of his best friend. It’s cheesy as all hell, but Arin still thanks whatever force will listen that he and Dan met, that a dumb Youtube message lead him to one of the best people he’s ever met in his life. 

“Hey, Ar?” 

“Yeah, man?” Arin says, trying not to sound like he’s coming out of a daze. 

“Are we still playing the game or what?” Dan asks. 

Arin looks on-screen to where Link tumbles over the edge of a cliff and falls face first into a river of molten lava. 

“Shit,” Arin says as he sets the controller down on the low coffee table in front of him. The ominous brightly colored ‘Game Over’ staring him in the face. 

“I guess not,” Dan mumbles before he breaks into a pearl of laughter, the sound like music. Arin’s annoyed at the death and what back-tracking he might have to do, but he can feel his face cracking into a smile just from hearing Dan’s laughter. 

“Well, that’s for the best, right? You said you were tired.” 

Dan shrugs, “Actually, I was going to tell you I felt like I could go longer. I think the break and some food did me some good.” 

“Really? Are you sure?” 

Arin knows Dan and he knows the side of Dan that pushes his body to work that much harder, that much longer, to put in just a little more effort than everyone else around him. It’s mostly a positive, but Dan’s workaholic tendencies can also take a toll and Arin doesn’t want Dan pushing himself out of some misplaced guilt or feeling like Arin would be pissed if they didn’t crank out a few more episodes. 

“Yeah, dude, I’m having fun and we’re in a good groove with the game. We can do more if you’re up for it?” 

Arin nods, “Sure, I’m always up for more, you know that.” He waggles his brows at Dan and Dan lets out a small giggle that makes Arin’s stomach tighten, “I’m surprised you aren’t sick of me and my dumb face. We’ve been spending all our time together lately.” 

They really have been spending more time together than usual with the filming of the YouTube Red show and recording Grumps on the weekend. Brian liked to crack jokes about Dan seeing Arin more than Suzy does. There were the morning workouts, the carpooling to the studio, filming, recording, so many instances of Dan being tied to Arin’s everyday life. It isn’t a complaint, fuck, if Arin had to spend so much time with a single other person he’s thankful that it’s Dan, someone he likes. Hell, someone he loves; there could be worse people he’s attached at the hip to. 

“Hey, we’re best friends, right? I think the whole ‘spending ungodly amounts of time together’ thing kind of comes with the territory.” 

“Oh, shit, are you going to, like, make me a friendship bracelet or something?” 

Dan giggles, “Fuck you! I’m trying to show you my appreciation!” 

“You can…” Arin says, “With that aforementioned friendship bracelet.” Dan snorts and Arin’s insides go warm. He’s so fond of Dan, of the kind of person he is, a mismatch of cool and complete nerd, their slight age difference doing nothing to dampen their bond. Arin can hardly remember what it feels like to not have Dan in his life, it just feels like he’s always been there. “I’m glad you’re feeling good about our friendship because you’re basically stuck with me. We’ll still be hanging out when we’re, like, eighty or some shit.” 

“Don’t tell me we’ll still be doing Grumps when we’re eighty.”

Arin shrugs, “We could! The only difference is I’d be shitting my pants when I scream.” 

“You do that _now_ ,” Dan says, but he’s giggling and maybe he’s remembering the whole _Parodius_ incident, but he topples over in his blanket cocoon, leaning heavily against Arin’s side, his head digging into Arin’s shoulder and his hair brushing Arin’s jaw. His laughter bubbles in his chest, he lets out ungraceful snorts and squeaks, and Arin is smiling so wide his face hurts. 

Dan’s laughter is contagious, it always has been, and Arin finds himself laughing at nothing, just enjoying the warmth of Dan against his side and the giddy feeling of their shared joy. This is what he loved, these moments that felt like they belonged solely to himself and Dan, moments that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. Arin can feel his heart surge and swell with raw emotion, a heady fondness that almost makes him dizzy. 

He doesn’t realize when Dan stops laughing, when he’s quiet but still nestled against Arin’s shoulder. Arin moves his head slightly and can feel the strands of Dan’s hair caught in the rough scrape of his facial hair. Arin can’t resist leaning over and resting his head against the top of Dan’s, the angle awkward for how the two of them are sitting but Dan doesn’t seem to mind. 

“I love you, man,” Dan mumbles, his voice soft and dreamy. 

Arin feels a chill pass through him, but it’s gone before he can really register it. 

“I love you too, you giant sap.” 

It isn’t strange, not anymore. If Arin’s being honest, before Dan he really didn’t tell his friends that he loved them, that he cared about them more than he cared about himself, that he’d do anything to protect them and make them happy. Dan pulled that out of him, made him softer, made him able to tell everyone just how much they mean to him. 

Dan laughs and then he shifts and Arin leans away to give him space to sit himself up. He does, but he’s still closer, hovering in Arin’s personal space. The thing that’s catching Arin off-guard is the odd look in Dan’s eyes, the light in them. It’s a look that Arin’s never seen before, and that’s a little jarring because by now he was sure he knew every expression Dan could make and then some, but he didn’t know this, there was no way in hell he’d ever seen Dan look like this before. It takes Arin a moment to register that he has seen this look, just usually it’s on Suzy’s face and not Dan’s; it’s the look Suzy gets right before she leans in to steal a kiss from him. 

Arin isn’t sure when his heart started beating so fast, but it’s in his throat, jackhammer quick. The two of them are inches apart and the quiet of the room feels tangible, feels like a second skin layered over Arin’s. Being impulsive has gotten Arin a lot of things in life. It got him opportunities, the show, Suzy, but it also got him punched in the nose, called an idiot, left him burned. Arin is on the cusp of something now and he’s not sure whether to follow that thread of impulse that has somehow woven itself around his body, tangled from bones, to brain, to heart, or to back off, to laugh this weird moment into non-existence. 

Arin knows himself and he knows that he’s never been one to back down from a challenge. Arin leans in, feels a little like he thinks Link must have felt as he veered off the cliff, controlled by some action greater than himself, that free-falling moment before he hits the lava. Except Arin doesn’t meet a fiery demise, he meets the warmth of Dan’s lips as they kiss for the very first time. 

There are a lot of things that Arin expects to happen. He expects to feel Dan’s mouth frozen against his own. He expects to be shoved away, possibly to be hit – though he’s never known Dan to be particularly violent – he expects to lose his best friend. What Arin doesn’t expect, doesn’t dare even dream would happen, is Dan’s hand sliding up the expanse of Arin’s bicep, inching up to his neck and holding there, Dan’s palm flush against Arin’s skin, his thumb sweeping lazy lines just under Arin’s jaw. 

Dan is kissing him back, small, timid, reminding Arin of high school and the first time he ever kissed Suzy. His mind is blank, voiding itself of everything to completely soak in this miracle of the moment. Arin’s hands shake as he lays them on Dan’s body, on his broad bony shoulders, fingers pushing away the blanket to tangle in the fabric of Dan’s obnoxious white leather jacket. 

Arin can’t believe this is happening. It almost seems hilarious, like a joke. They have been friends for years now, so many moments between them that made Arin’s stomach tight, piqued his curiosity. He’s always known that he’s loved Dan, but somewhere along the line he convinced himself it was all platonic. It was. Dan’s his best friend and they joke about sucking each other’s dicks, but they never go through with it, so why…why did Arin want this kiss to last forever? Why did Dan’s hands touching him make his skin hotter than it ever felt before? 

Arin’s phone vibrates against the coffee table in front of them and the dense rumble is enough to pull Arin’s mind out of the haze it had been lost in. He and Dan break apart. Arin’s lips are cool and damp and he can smell Dan _everywhere_ around him. In the aftermath, he’s suddenly afraid to look at Dan, to see whatever might be hosted in his eyes, to see regret or anger. 

Arin scoops up his phone, avoiding Dan as he goes to unlock it. A message pops up from Suzy. Arin’s heart squeezes in his chest. Her message is simple and sweet, asking him to stop off at the store on his way home from the office and grab some milk and cat food.

“Is it Suze?” Dan asks, his voice casual, like this were any other day, any other conversation like so many they’ve had before it. 

Arin nods and he knows he can’t avoid Dan. He lifts his eyes and Dan is watching him, his own phone curled loose in his hand, the blanket strewn limply around his waist. His eyes are deep but neutral, masking whatever Dan might be feeling right now. 

“Yeah, um, she wants me to stop at the store tonight.” 

Dan glances at the timer on the wall before he looks back at Arin, “We should probably stop for the night, huh?” 

Arin nods again, licks his lips and swears he can taste Dan lingering there. Before the kiss they had been talking about extending the session, but now they were wrapping up, the tinny music of the game playing in the background of the room. 

The two of them go through the motions of shutting down the recording room. Arin saves the game as Dan folds up the blanket and settles it against the back of the couch, like it hadn’t been touched, like this night never happened. They turn off the lights and pad through the office together, side-by-side, making casual conversation, but Arin can hardly focus. 

He feels like he should say something, anything; they have to talk about it, right? He and Dan fucking _kissed_ and they have to talk about it. Arin should say something. He should make sure he and Dan are alright before they leave for the night. He really should but he can’t will himself to do it. If things go south, if everything gets fucked up, he can’t do it, not tonight. 

Then he and Dan are in the parking lot, the sky purpling around them. 

“Drive safe, man, okay?” Dan says, his keys jangling in his hand and he gives Arin a wave. 

“Yeah, thanks, you too, dude.” Arin hesitates near his car door. He has time, these last few seconds to ask Dan to stay, to sort shit out and see where he and Dan stand. Arin watches Dan’s retreating form, sees him slipping away and he still can’t do it. Jaw tight, he opens his own door and slides inside. 

If anyone were to ask Arin about his drive home that night he would never be able to answer. He can hardly remember any of it. His mind was so preoccupied with Dan, replaying the kiss, reliving the feeling of Dan’s mouth, the gentle exhale of breath against his face, the way Dan’s hands felt huge on Arin’s body. He doesn’t remember the drive, or stopping at the store, or pulling up in his driveway. He doesn’t remember shit up until Suzy’s leaning against him, taking the grocery sack from his hand and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

\--

As it turns out he and Dan could not have picked a worse time to kiss. Sunday was their day off, their only time to chill and collect themselves. Arin wakes up that Sunday morning, showers, makes breakfast for himself and Suzy, and spends a good portion of two hours trying to meditate. He tries, but doesn’t succeed because every time he closes his eyes he sees Dan, watches the kiss like a film on repeat in his mind. He itches to text Dan, to bring up the kiss, but it’s so huge, so potentially heavy that he would rather do it in person. 

Arin spends his Sunday thinking about Dan while also pointedly trying to ignore Dan’s existence. He plays _Tetris_ with Suzy, does the dishes, plays with Mochi, anything to avoid staring at his phone. It isn’t until six at night that he gets a text from Dan. 

_‘Hey man, just wanted to remind you that I’m leaving tomorrow for my cousin’s wedding back home, so I won’t be in the office. Want me to bring you back a postcard from Jersey?’_

Fuck. Fuck, how could Arin have forgotten that? He feels a chill of panic sweep through him. They had been so busy with the show and keeping up on episodes it had completely slipped his mind that Dan was set to leave on a mini vacation. 

He was leaving for a wedding, but extending it into a week and a half long stay to unwind and see his family. Arin would miss him, but more than that, it meant that he and Dan couldn’t talk about the kiss, couldn’t discuss what happened and where they stand, and what any of this means. It meant that Arin had to suffer with the millions of questions plaguing him and the anxiety that creeps under his skin, seeping into his blood. 

He has every right to be anxious. He and Dan kissed and it could ruin them, ruin their dynamic, their friendship, ruin everything they built together. The thought of it makes Arin’s stomach hurt. As far as he knew Dan was straight, but Dan kissed him back, held on to him, didn’t push him away. He turns the thoughts on himself. What did any of it mean for him? Arin was a happily married man, he loved his wife, but thinking of Dan made his heart race, made his blood warm in his veins. Arin was lost, spiraling into a haze of confusion and fear, and he had no clue how to escape it. Dan felt like the only answer, the one salvation. He needed to know how Dan felt about it all. 

There was no way he could drop this shit on Dan right before he left to see his family. There was no good time. He’d have to suck it up and keep his shit together, keep his mentality straight until Dan got home. There was no other choice. 

_‘Have fun, dude. Tell Avi and Debbie I said hello and send Granny Sexbang my love.’_

The reply from Dan is near instant: _‘Sure thing! Keep the couch warm for me, okay?’_

Arin smiles at his phone but his insides are a disaster. He feels unsettled, not quite like himself. He doesn’t even remember how to feel like himself anymore, can hardly recall what normal felt like. It was as if the second Arin kissed Dan he shifted, changed in some way that’s too small to see but tangible enough to feel, and now no matter what Arin does he can’t go backwards, he can’t be who he was before. The thought scares him, the thought that he’s already altered, already different just from his exposure to Dan. It scares him right to his core. 

\--

Monday at the office Arin sits for the meeting, he listens to their plans, reminders of important shit they have coming up. He nods when he’s supposed to and interjects when he can, but Arin’s eyes keep flicking to the empty seat across the table, Dan’s seat. He’s being so stupid. Dan’s enjoying himself on a well-deserved vacation and all Arin can do is sit around and fret. Dan would be back and when he was they would work everything out. 

After the meeting, he’s leaning against the island counter in the kitchen, a can of Lacroix sweating a ring against the sleek surface. He’s lost in thought, the same daydreams of the kiss and what it meant, and what it will mean for them now. 

“Arin?” a voice pulls him from the confines of his own head. 

Arin blinks and then he notices Matt standing right in front of him. 

“Sorry, what?” Arin asks. 

Matt smiles, “I was, uh, just asking about the upload schedule. You guys had been doing _Breath of the Wild_ , but you also recorded some one-offs, so…” 

“Oh,” Arin says. If they upload the _Zelda_ recording now the last episode of the session would be the one they had filmed right before they kissed. Arin swallows, his throat feeling like sandpaper. There was no indication in the episode of what was going to happen after it was over, at least Arin didn’t think so, but hell, maybe _Game Grumps_ itself was one big line of evidence that this whole kiss thing was more likely than Arin thought. “Um, do the one-offs. We haven’t had any in a while, I think people would appreciate it.” 

Matt nods, but he hesitates and Arin feels too pinned, too exposed, like everyone can tell he isn’t himself. 

“Don’t take it personally, Matt,” Ross says, sliding his way up to the two of them and looping an arm around Matt’s shoulders, “Arin’s just not himself when his other half isn’t here.” 

Matt lets out a small laugh and Ross is grinning big and wide. Arin rolls his eyes but deep down he knew Ross was right. He wasn’t himself. 

“Shut up, Ross,” Arin mumbles, trying to laugh it off. He doesn’t want to cause any real alarm. He just wants to feel okay, to feel like he’s standing on solid ground. What he’s scared of more than anything else is talking to Dan and everything changing. He’s afraid that Dan won’t be okay, that Dan will have decided he can’t come back to them, that everything around Arin will crumble because of one stupid impulsive decision. _Game Grumps_ began on an impulse and it just as easily could end because of one. 

\--

Arin hasn’t heard from Dan in three days, not since the first text message Sunday night where he reminded Arin that he was leaving. He’s trying not to read into the silence too much, tries to remember that Dan’s busy and having fun, spending time with his family. There are reasons he doesn’t have time to text and talk. Suzy’s shown him pictures, turning her phone to face Arin during dinner, Dan’s Instagram account pulled up, showing off the suit he was wearing to the wedding, his wild mane of hair pulled back into a smooth ponytail, a coy smile on his face. It was enough to make Arin’s heart skip a traitorous beat. 

Now, it’s two in the morning and Arin’s lying in bed trying to sleep. He’s tired, but his mind feels busy, heavy, swirling with too much. Arin sighs and presses his face into his pillow, trying not to squirm because Suzy is sound asleep next to him. 

Just when his mind starts to drift, when the possibility of sleep is on the horizon and his mind is in that odd state of semi-conscious where you can feel the quiet begin to take hold, that’s when Arin’s phone dings from the nightstand next to the bed. He should ignore it, he’s tempted to, it’s probably Ross or maybe a friend from a different time zone that doesn’t remember how late it is in California right now. Something tells Arin to look at his phone, some pull that he can’t ignore. He sits up and gingerly scoops up his phone, thumbing the unlock button. 

There’s a message from Dan waiting for him. 

_‘Hey, Ar, are you up?’_

Arin’s heart jolts in his chest, both pleased and scared all at once. He can’t really ignore the way his mind races as he taps out a response. 

_‘Yeah, man, I’m up.’_

Arin’s slumped against the headboard of his bed, phone in his hand. He can see the little dots along the bottom of the text box indicating that Dan is writing. Arin swallows as he waits for the reply. He’s nervous. As late as it is in California it’s got to be even later in Jersey and right now all Arin can think is that Dan’s reaching out to him because something’s gone bad, because he can’t deal with what happened. Maybe this is the moment, the instance where Dan decides he doesn’t want to be around Arin anymore. 

_‘Can I call you?’_

Arin’s breath catches in his throat. He glances over at Suzy, the neon glow from his phone is reaching across the expanse of the bed, inching towards her and her silent peace. Arin can’t talk in here, especially if things go badly. 

He slides out of bed as quietly as he can, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Suzy is still asleep. Arin slips out of their bedroom and into the darkness of the upstairs hallway. He pads down the hall towards the landing, leaning against the wall. The upstairs window is cracked and Arin can feel a draft against his bare legs as he taps out a reply to Dan. 

_‘Of course you can.’_

The nerves swell in his stomach. He waits, fingers white-knuckle and tight around his phone as he stands in a suspended moment, outside of time, where he waits to see if his world is going to come crashing down around him or not. 

Then his phone is ringing. Arin doesn’t want to seem desperate, but he can’t ignore the vibrations pushing against his skin or Dan’s name flashing across the screen. He slides his thumb over the green answer button and accepts whatever fate has for him. 

“Hey, man,” Arin says carefully, quietly, like he isn’t terrified. 

“Hey,” Dan says and he sounds the same, sounds like the Dan that Arin knows. He doesn’t know what Dan’s going to say, but even hearing his voice has this effect on Arin, some Pavlovian response where he feels calmer just from hearing Dan’s voice. 

“Why are you up? Isn’t it like four am there?” 

“Five,” Dan corrects, he laughs a little, “I dunno. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about you.” 

Arin’s heart bobs in his chest, “You did?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Dan says, “You gonna lie and say you don’t miss me too?” 

Arin can’t help the grin that spreads over his face, “Got me there. How was the wedding?” 

“It was fine,” Dan says. Arin can hear the rustle of cloth, maybe Dan settling back in bed, lying down with the phone pressed to his ear in his darkened childhood bedroom back in Jersey, so far from Arin, so far from home, “They played the chicken dance and I got tipsy after half a glass of champagne.” 

Arin smiles, “Did you hit on any cute bridesmaids?” He’s not sure why he asks, why the words leave him. Maybe he’s scared, maybe he does want to know. Dan kissed him and then left the state and maybe Arin wants to know if he’s still the last person that kissed Dan or not. 

Dan doesn’t laugh the way that Arin had expected him to, instead he makes a quiet, thoughtful sound. “They’re all too young for me, man.” 

Arin opens his mouth to speak, to crack a joke, to riff on being able to call Dan a dirty old man, because he doesn’t know what to say or how to ask what he really wants to know. He wants to ask about the kiss, about what happened Saturday night between them in the recording room. He wants to know that Dan Avidan is still his friend, his comedic other half, that the world is still spinning the way it once was. As it turns out, he doesn’t have to find a way to talk about it because Dan beats him to the punch. 

“There’s only one person I’ve been thinking about anyway,” Dan mutters, suddenly sounding much more tired than before. Arin can almost see him, eyes drooped closed and hair a billowing halo around his face, shirtless with the sheets pulled up to his chest. 

Arin’s mouth is dry and his heart is racing so quickly that he’s sure it’s just going to quit on him. 

“You have? Who?” 

Then it’s out there and Arin’s going to get an answer whether he likes it or not. It’s coming and he can’t stop it. 

“Really, Arin? You even have to ask? It’s you.” 

Arin presses himself against the hallway wall, feeling the coolness seep into his skin, his eyes closed and his phone shaking in his hand. 

“The kiss?” Arin asks, prays his voice isn’t quivering. 

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was on my mind,” Dan says, his voice so careful, so deep and low, that it almost sounds like some mirror version of him. 

“What do you think about it?” Arin asks, another one of those questions that feels a little too much like Russian roulette with how there’s a very good chance that Arin’s going to wound himself in the process, but it’s all that’s been on his mind for days, all he’s wanted to talk to Dan about. 

“I didn’t really want to do this over the phone,” Dan says. _Fuck_. Arin starts to shake, “but I also couldn’t really wait until I got back to talk to you.” 

“I understand,” Arin forces himself to say even though his chest aches like he’s been punched, “I get it if you’re uncomfortable or- “ 

“I didn’t say I was uncomfortable…why? Are you?” Dan asks, his voice rising, a thread of panic laced under it all. 

“No! No…I’m…well, I’m not sure how I feel but uncomfortable doesn’t describe it.” 

“What does describe it?” 

Arin’s eyes are closed and he thinks of Suzy down the hall and Dan so far away. For a second he feels like a ghost, some figure looking down and watching this scene, trying to take in everything that’s happening, all that will come of this singular moment in time where lines are drawn and definitions are made. 

“If I’m being honest…I don’t regret it. I’m glad it happened. If I’m being one hundred percent honest with myself then…I liked it. I liked kissing you, Dan. It felt right, it felt good, better than so many other things in my life.” 

Arin shuts off his flow of words and he waits for Dan’s reply. There is a long endless silence across the line and Arin’s blood is thumping too loudly in his ears, the house is too quiet, Arin’s mind is screaming too loud. 

“I liked it too,” Dan confesses, late into the night, a single whisper of affirmation, “I liked it a lot. I thought…I thought if I ever happened to…if I ever kissed a dude or some shit that it’d be weird, but it wasn’t like that with you. It felt natural, it felt like every time I’ve ever kissed a girl or someone I cared about. I liked kissing you, Arin. I liked it a lot.” 

For a moment Arin thinks he must have hit his head, he must be dreaming, some last flickers of consciousness before he slips into a coma. He can’t believe the words that Dan’s telling him, maybe because he’s played this scenario in his head so many times over the last few days and the odds of it all working out in his favor seemed slim to none. 

“Arin?” Dan asks. He sounds worried and it’s only then that Arin realizes he hadn’t been talking. 

“Sorry,” Arin says, “I’m kind of shocked I guess. Deep down I was afraid you were regretting the whole thing and that when we talked next you would tell me you wanted to leave the show.” 

Dan makes a noise that resembles a laugh, “I was afraid you were going to fire me.” 

“I’d never do that,” Arin says. 

“I’d never leave,” Dan says, “I don’t want to. I miss you, like, it’s worse than it’s ever been before. I miss you so much, Ar.” 

Arin smiles. “I miss you too, Dan. So, it’s okay that it happened?” 

“Yeah,” Dan says, “it is…I mean, between us it’s okay. I wanted to kiss you. If I didn’t, I would have let you know.” 

Arin replays the memory in his mind, Dan’s lips soft and sweet against his own, and the warmth of Dan’s hands sliding into his hair, pressing against his skin. He feels a fondness blossoming in his chest. He wants to ask what happens now, where the two of them go from this point, how to carry the knowledge that they both enjoyed the kiss. What do they do now? He wants to ask but it’s late as hell and he already feels emotionally exhausted from broaching the subject at all. 

Dan must be on the same wavelength, their bond extending firm and true even so many miles apart. 

“It’s getting pretty late,” Dan says. 

“Yeah,” Arin breathes, and he wishes he could walk into the office tomorrow and know he’ll see Dan there, but he won’t, not yet. 

“Can I call you tomorrow? Maybe a little earlier than five in the morning?” 

Arin laughs, “Yeah, of course. I’d like that a lot.” 

“It’s a plan then,” Dan says, “Good night, Arin.” 

“Good night, Dan. Talk to you tomorrow.” 

Then the line goes quiet and Dan is gone and Arin’s staring into the neon light of his homescreen. He feels both numb and full. Dan liked the kiss, Dan doesn’t hate him, Dan enjoyed it. The raging fire of anxiety and doubt has been extinguished, but there are still charred bits around Arin, smoldering sticks that he has no clue what to do with beyond collecting them and carrying them with him, hoping if he fits all the pieces back together that things will begin to make more sense. Maybe a bigger picture will form from the remains. 

Quietly, he pads back to his bedroom, sets his phone on the nightstand and slips back into bed with Suzy. He thinks maybe he jostles her as he settles back down because he feels her inch closer to him, her thin arms sliding around his waist and her face against his back. He wills himself to sink into her touch, to let her warmth guide him to sleep. 

\--

The next day Arin wakes up well after noon. He had laid there long after getting off the phone with Dan, unable to sleep, restless in an energized way, his mind spinning with possibilities that seemed less frightening now that he knew he wasn’t losing Dan forever. 

It’s Suzy that wakes Arin. She’s humming, rummaging through their closet as he blinks himself awake. He groans and stretches and feels like he could easily slip back into sleep, his brain foggy with the time, but he can already feel the layer of warmth from the warm day seeping into his skin. He hears footsteps and then the bed dips as Suzy comes to sit next to him. 

She leans over his prone form, her long dark hair brushing his chest. She smiles softly at him, her eyes sparkling. 

“You’re up,” she says, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Arin’s cheek. 

“Yeah,” Arin says, his voice thick and craggy, “I couldn’t really sleep last night.” 

Suzy’s hands are warm on his chest and he can smell the soft earthy scent of her perfume.

“Did you have stomach troubles? I thought I heard you get up last night and it felt like a long time before you came back. I just assumed you were pooping.” 

Arin snorts, but a wave of guilt washes through him. She had noticed he’d left their bed though she had no clue it was to talk to Dan, to talk about the kiss they shared, the kiss she has no idea happened. It was a thought that spun around in his mind, how he should tell Suzy, just be honest with her and tell her what happened. A few times in their marriage Arin had shared ideas, had shared his attractions to men, and more than once Suzy had pressed him for information as they sat together on the couch, her feet tucked under his thighs as she asked him whose dick he’d suck in the office if he _had_ to. Before Arin even gave her an answer he felt like they both already knew. 

It was different now though, different to be joking about it or talking about it hypothetically, and having it happen for real. Suzy’s always said she didn’t mind Arin’s mild attraction to men just so long as nothing was happening behind her back, and now, that’s exactly what happened. He kissed Dan four days ago and hasn’t told his wife yet. 

Now that he knew shit was sorted with Dan and that he wasn’t going to lose his best friend, all he can focus on is the guilt. It feels like a brick heavy and weighted in the pit of his stomach. He loves Suzy, he does. No piece of him has ever stopped loving her from the moment he met her; even when shit went south and he broke them up out of panic, out of an urge to explore and experience things other than her, he still loved her. He almost destroyed them once and by a stroke of luck she came back to him, she loved him just as fiercely. Arin has every reason to believe that luck wouldn’t be so favorable to him the second time around. 

The last thing he wants to do is hurt Suzy, the love of his life, the gorgeous woman at his side. He’s afraid, deep down inside, he’s afraid he was already destined to hurt her the moment he kissed Dan. He loves Suzy, but he can’t deny this building of feelings burning up his stomach, how every time he thinks of Dan it feels like his body speeds up into triple time. Arin’s not sure what’s going to happen with he and Dan, but he knows he’d like to kiss Dan again if he could. If Dan would let him he’d do it again in a heartbeat. 

Suzy drapes herself across him, pressing a quick kiss to his sleepy mouth. The guilt feels like acid on his tongue. 

“I’ll make you some breakfast, how does that sound?” she asks, her fingers trailing down his t-shirt covered sides. 

“Sounds good,” Arin says, “I might shower first.” 

Suzy nods and she removes herself from Arin’s body so he can sit himself up. She goes to move away from him completely but he takes her hand before she can slip too far. Suzy stops and looks back at him, a surprised smile on her face. 

“I love you,” Arin says, bringing her hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the soft skin there. 

Suzy’s face softens. “I love you too, Arin.” 

He releases her and Suzy goes to make him breakfast even though the clock is slipping closer and closer towards one in the afternoon. Arin pads to their bathroom to shower. He thinks about the possibility of hurting Suzy and where he wants to go with Dan. At this moment, it felt like a lose-lose for everyone involved. He didn’t know what Dan wanted, what would build between them, but he’s scared of hurting Dan just as much as he is of hurting Suzy. The last thing he wants is to cause either of them pain, but he doesn’t know how to do it, how to navigate his selfish needs, how to have them both without rocking the boat of either relationship. 

\--

Arin goes through his day waiting for the phone call from Dan. He had promised he’d call earlier than last night and it leaves Arin checking his phone obsessively at the office, at dinner with Suzy, anytime that he hadn’t looked after a while he checks it, wondering if maybe he accidentally missed Dan’s call. 

The night crawls on and Arin is anxious again. He tries to act calm, reassured that Dan isn’t freaking out, that Dan isn’t mad at him. Everything is fine. He’d give anything just to feel calm, to not freak out at the lack of hearing from Dan. 

Arin’s out in the living room playing _Breath of the Wild_. He was worried that playing and beating it on the show would kill his enthusiasm for the game, but he’s finding it comforting to play without the pressure of being entertaining. He’s free to fuck around, to crash Link straight into the side of a mountain and not worry about anyone bitching at him because of it. 

Arin’s phone lights up where it’s sitting on the couch next to him. Arin pauses the game and scoops up his phone. He knows it’s Dan before he even looks at the screen but he still smiles when he sees Dan’s name blink up at him. 

Arin slides the unlock button and puts the phone to his ear, “You know, when you said that you’d call me earlier I was thinking more dinner time and less one-thirty in the morning.” 

Dan laughs, “I’m sorry, I know. It’s just hard to get some time to myself.” 

Arin sets the controller down on the arm of the couch and then settles back against the squishy cushions, the phone tucked against his ear. 

“You’re very in demand.” 

“Yeah, well, I love my family and friends but I think I’m ready to come back to California.” 

“You are?” Arin asks. 

“Yeah, I miss you. I’m excited to see you again.” 

Arin feels his face go warm, “It isn’t like you haven’t seen me less than a week ago.” 

“I know, but it feels different now. I’d…shit, man, I kinda have been thinking of kissing you again?” 

Dan sounds calm, voice deep, and Arin feels giddy, feels a warmth blossom in his chest. This feeling is new and scary, the beginnings of something, flirting, like when you begin to talk to someone or you start a brand-new relationship. He’s known Dan for so long that Dan feels familiar to him, like a comfortable t-shirt that always fits no matter how many times he wears it. He feels like home, but this aspect is new, this side of Dan that Arin had never been exposed to. 

“Really?” 

“Yes,” Dan says, sounding exasperated as he laughs, “is that really so surprising?” 

“A little,” Arin says with a shrug that Dan can’t see, “I’m not used to it, I guess, but I like the idea.” 

“Is that you saying you want to kiss me again?” Dan asks. 

“Yeah, I would definitely kiss you again.” 

“But maybe we could start with a date or some shit.” 

“You want to go on a date?” Arin’s head spins a little. Fuck. There was nothing clearly defined between the two of them and they are best friends who kissed, and now Dan is talking about dates, and something about that feels so much realer than the kiss, than anything else, “Where would you take me on this ‘date’, Avidan?” 

“Fuck, way to put me on the spot. It’s been awhile since I’ve taken someone out but…um, Round One?” 

Arin snorts, grins, “We always go to Round One. That’s so unoriginal.” 

“Fuckin’ okay! Tell me what you’d pick then!” Dan says around a giggle. Arin pictures him in his mind, his big wide smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, how maybe he’s lying stretched out in his bed while he’s talking to Arin. 

“Hmm, for our first date I’d pick…” Arin pauses. He already knows, the idea is an idle one that he’s held on to, kept low in his chest, relegated to the back of his brain as a fantasy, as information that was better left in the recycling bin of his mind, but now suddenly it was relevant and it’s all he can think of. “The restaurant where we first hung out, you know, when I picked you up at your uncle’s place? We’d go there.” 

“Aw,” Dan says, his voice going soft, “Really?” 

Arin can feel his face burning and his heart is racing in his chest, “Yeah, I…I’d like, try to re-create the date, I guess. I’d pick you up at your place like before and we’d go and eat dinner together. Kind of honoring how far we’ve come together.” 

There is a silence on the line and Arin waits even though it’s hard not to keep babbling and fill that silence. He wants to know what Dan is going to say as hard as it is to sit there and wait for a reply. 

“That’s really sweet,” Dan says, low and soft, his voice going all fond, “I’d like that a lot, Arin.” 

“Yeah?” Arin asks. 

“Yeah,” Dan confirms. 

Arin suddenly misses Dan so much, more than ever before. He wants to close his eyes and teleport to Jersey, to blink himself into Dan’s bedroom, crawl into the cramped twin sized bed from Dan’s youth and fit himself in against the long line of Dan’s thin body. 

“You still there?” Dan asks and Arin realizes he hadn’t been talking, too lost in his own thoughts. 

“I’m here, yeah. I was just, uh, thinking about how much I miss you too.” It feels impossible not to spill his guts to Dan, to not tell him every thought and fear that crosses his mind. 

There’s a small intake of breath across the line and Arin strains his ears to catch any sound from Dan. 

“I’ll be home soon,” Dan says, “And then we’ll go on that date.” 

Arin wants it to be real. He wants that to be a truth, a promise held between them. Dan sounds soft and fond and hopeful and in that moment Arin wants to make everything he wants a reality, he wants that date, wants to pick Dan up and watch him smile in the passenger seat of Arin’s car as they head to the restaurant where they began their friendship. He wants to hold hands with Dan, rub his thumb over the smooth warm skin of Dan’s fingers. 

He wants it but he doesn’t know how to make it happen. It feels safer right now, talking about it in hypotheticals, like a far-off daydream. It feels big and scary to imagine it happening in real life, even with how bad he wants it to. 

“I can’t wait,” Arin says, because he can’t. He wants to see Dan and he wants to know what’ll happen once they’re face-to-face again. 

“What’s been happening in the office since I’ve been gone?” Dan asks, steering the conversation back towards what Arin is used to, the familiar waters of their shared life lapping around his ankles calm and steady. 

“The same old stuff,” Arin admits, “We’re gearing up for the tour.” 

That was another thing. Soon Arin was slotted to go on tour with Dan and Brian and the TWRP guys. Would it be weird then? Would people suspect anything? Arin couldn’t imagine trying to hide anything from Brian, the guy was already observant by nature and couple that with the fact that he’s a parent and he’d be able to sniff out their bullshit in a millisecond. 

“Oh, shit, yeah! Brian’s been texting me some pics of the stuff as it comes in. I’m so excited, dude. It’s going to be amazing.” 

Arin can hear the excitement in Dan’s voice the second the conversation turns to music. He smiles and shifts over on the couch so he’s lying stretched out on it, his head against the arm-rest and the phone to his ear. 

He and Dan talk about the impending tour, how excited they are, they talk about Dan’s vacation and the funny stories he’s collected about Avi that he wants to remember to tell on the show when they record next. They talk long and late into the night, to the point where Arin doesn’t really remember hanging up. Maybe they didn’t. Maybe they talked long enough that one of them fell asleep and the other ended the call. He doesn’t really know, all he knows is Dan made him stifle laughter into his arm, made him smile so much that his face hurt, made him feel full and loved and happy. 

Arin wakes up way too early the next morning on the couch with his phone on his chest and a stiff and sore neck. He blinks against the bright sunlight flooding into the room and sits himself up, groaning in protest at how uncomfortable he feels. The TV is still on from when he was playing last night before Dan called him. 

Arin glances at his phone and the low battery signal it’s flashing him. It’s early, though not too far off the time he’d usually get up, but he didn’t get a lot of sleep thanks to Dan’s phone call. Arin pushes up from the couch and turns off the TV before he heads upstairs to his bedroom. 

When he reaches the upstairs, he can hear the shower running from the bathroom near their bedroom. He knows Suzy must be up and he feels bad for never coming to bed. Quietly, he strips off his hoodie and his sweatpants and crawls back into bed, hoping he can catch maybe a half an hour more of sleep. Arin lies down in their bed, pressing his face into the pillow and sighing. It’s easy to drift off to a comfortable sleep, a dazed sort of dimness where he’s floating in and out of consciousness and dreams of large hands and deep voices. 

“Arin?” a soft voice asks, a voice that doesn’t sound at all like Dan. 

“Mmm?” Arin says, groggy and somehow even more tired than he felt when he came to lay down in the first place. 

“I…I just noticed you didn’t come to bed last night,” Suzy says, her voice small like she’s picking her words carefully. 

“’M sorry,” Arin says, turning his face on the pillow so she can hear him, “I was playing _Zelda_ and passed out I guess.” 

“Okay,” Suzy says. She goes quiet for a moment and Arin turns on his side so he can see her better. Suzy’s lip is between her teeth and she looks like she’s got more to say, more she wants to talk to him about, “Just…did I do something wrong? Did I make you mad?” 

Pain stabs through Arin’s heart like a knife. Fuck. 

Arin sits up, hand moving to touch at Suzy’s soft damp back. She’s sitting on their bed in a towel, her skin wet from the shower. Arin brushes at a strand of dark hair. 

“No, Suzy. No, I promise you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not mad. I just fell asleep down there on accident.” 

Suzy nods, “I’m sorry, I’m being stupid.” 

“Hey,” Arin says, and then he’s touching at her shoulders so he can turn her towards him and he can hug her shivering body against his chest, “You’re not being stupid. I’m sorry I made you worry. I love you, Suzy.” 

He does. He loves her so much, has loved her from the get-go, and even through their own struggles and tribulations that love never ceased. It hasn’t now, even with Dan’s role expanding inside of his mind and chest, even with Dan opening his heart, Suzy still resides there. 

He feels so guilty that his stomach hurts. He made Suzy doubt herself and doubt them. He should tell her about Dan and the kiss and the phone calls. She might understand, it might all be okay, but it feels like too much, too scary to reveal what happened, too big to make real between them. The second he tells Suzy then it isn’t just him and Dan anymore, it’s him and Dan _and_ Suzy whether she wants to be involved or not, and maybe Arin is being selfish. Maybe he’s an asshole for wanting to explore this new dynamic on his own just a little bit longer. 

He’s made jokes with Suzy before, there have been quiet conversations on their couch where they both admitted that Dan is really ridiculously handsome and maybe Arin’s made some off-hand comment about how if he _had_ to he’d kiss Dan, but nothing concrete was ever set between them as far as it being okay for Arin to actually go and do it. He can’t help the way that it feels, the way that Dan feels like an exception to every rule in his life. 

“I love you too,” Suzy says and she squeezes at him. 

\--

Arin spends most of the day with Suzy. He spoils her and makes her breakfast, he sits with her on the couch and watches the weird crime related docu-series she likes so much. He lets her put her feet in his lap and he rubs them, fingers stroking against the delicate skin while she hums and wiggles her toes in his grasp. 

His phone is upstairs. He’d left it on purpose to avoid looking at it, but also because he’s dreading the phone call from Dan today. He’s dreading having to hide it all from Suzy, slipping away, finding a reason to talk to Dan in private. Arin intends to spend the entire day with his wife and heal whatever tension had grown between them that morning, but as it turns out, Suzy has plans for the day. 

“I should go record,” she says, shifting her feet off his lap and back to the floor. 

“Oh,” Arin says, “You want me to come with and jump on for a few episodes?”

She smiles at him as she picks up her purse from the coffee table in front of them. 

“That’s really sweet, but you don’t have to. I feel like I’ve already taken up a lot of your productive time today.” 

“You’re my wife. You’re more important than productive time,” Arin reminds her, because it’s true. Suzy’s so important to him. That slick wet feeling of guilt burns in his stomach, makes him feel nauseous. He’s always lauded that honesty was important but now when it really truly mattered he wasn’t practicing what he so often preached. 

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” Suzy says, “Text me in a little bit if you have an idea for dinner and I can pick it up, okay?” she says as she pads out of their living room and towards the garage where their cars are parked. 

“Okay, babe.” 

“Love you!” Suzy calls, her voice distant. 

“Love you too!” 

\--

Now that he’s alone again Arin’s mind drifts back to Dan. He should do what Suzy said and be productive, maybe work on checking emails or planning what games they should play next, research the more unforgiving parts of _Paper Mario_. After she leaves he finds himself on the couch itching to go and grab his phone, to see if maybe he had missed Dan’s call even though he still feels weird and guilty waiting for it. 

Arin can only wait three minutes before he pushes up off the couch and goes to grab his phone from upstairs. When he unlocks it there’s no missed call from Dan, no texts, and Arin is a mixture of relieved and anxious. He doesn’t understand himself or his head, how he both wants and doesn’t want to talk to Dan, how he just wants everything to fall into place, wants it all to be easy but he doesn’t think it will. 

Then, as if showing that the link between them is strong and firm, Dan calls. Arin holds the phone in his hand and sees Dan’s name dance across the screen. He thinks about rejecting it, but Dan is calling early for once and really, there might not be a different time tonight that Arin can talk to him alone. He swipes the unlock button and then brings the phone to his ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, baby,” Dan says and he sounds happy and playful and it makes Arin’s chest feel tight, loosens the knot in his stomach. 

“Hey, Dan, what’s up?” 

“Not a lot. Dana took my parents and the kids out to this local fair that’s going on nearby.” 

“You didn’t want to go?” 

“Not really, only so much pseudo child-rearing I can handle, you know? Uncle Dan is tired out.” 

Arin laughs and he imagines Dan with his nephews climbing all over him, how much they love him and how much Dan cares for them too. 

“Well, at least you’re not calling me at three am.” 

“Yeah,” Dan says with a snort, “Sorry, I guess I think about you late at night.” 

Dan’s words warm Arin’s stomach. Shit, he’s so weak for Dan, and maybe he’s always been a little too soft for Dan, always a little fond. He’s always held Dan in high regards but now it’s evolving faster than Arin can understand it. Nowadays he’s going off of emotions and feelings more than his brain, more than logic, and he’s still self-aware enough to know that it will cause issues down the road. 

“Yeah? You could be a normal person and, you know, jerk off before bed like everyone else does,” Arin says, laughing, falling back to their usual humor, the dirty shit that fills episodes of Game Grumps. 

Dan makes a small noise but there’s humor in his voice when he says, “Is that you giving me permission to jerk off while thinking of you?” 

A sudden heat flashes through Arin and he has to bite back the groan that wants to leave him. He can’t avoid the way his cock twitches with interest in his sweatpants. Dan is _joking_ but Arin can’t deny that the thought turns him on. The idea of Dan getting off while thinking of him is new and electric and the damn near hottest thing that Arin’s experienced. 

“Arin?” Dan asks, his voice worried now and Arin realizes he hadn’t replied, “Did I go too far?” 

“No. No, you’re fine. I…uh…I actually kind of like the idea of that?” Arin admits, his face getting hot. He’s in his bedroom with Dan on the phone and his dick stirring with interest, with Dan’s stupid jokes, “Is that weird?” 

“No,” Dan says. He sounds different, sounds like a version of Dan that Arin’s never heard before, “No, that’s not weird. You like the idea, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Arin says, and he sits on the edge of his bed, pointedly keeping his hands away from his cock, “Yeah, I like the idea of you getting off while you’re thinking of me.” 

“You sure you don’t just want to imagine me jerking it?” Dan asks, a clear edge of teasing there, but it does little to stilt Arin’s arousal. 

The conversation could get out of hand fast but it’s exciting, it’s making Arin’s insides warm with a heat, a small fire that could build up too fast, spreading and devouring everything in its path. Arin can’t bring himself to stop though. 

“I mean, I’d bet you’d look good doing it. Then I’d finally get to know just how big your dick is.” 

Dan sucks in a sharp breath, the sound mesmerizing to Arin. He wants to hear it again, the world suddenly open with endless possibilities of sounds he’s never heard from Dan, sounds he wants to hear. 

“Shit, dude, if you saw my dick you probably wouldn’t even be able to keep your hands off of it. You’d probably take over for me.” 

Arin likes that idea too. He pictures Dan stretched out in his bed, his cock hard and standing straight up, how tanned and delicious Dan would look waiting for Arin to join him in bed. How he’d crawl up to Dan and kiss him, how he’d let his hand wander down the expanse of Dan’s slender chest, across his soft tummy, and finally sweeping down to his dick, wrapping his fingers around the thick length and swallowing Dan’s moans as he keens into their kiss, arches to meet Arin’s touch. 

Fuck, he was definitely hard now. 

“You want to, Arin?” Dan asks, his voice so low and rough that Arin doesn’t believe that he’s the only one turned on by the conversation, “You want to touch my dick?” 

“Yeah,” Arin admits, his mouth dry, “I’d jerk you off, of course I would. I’d blow you if you wanted.” 

“ _Fuck _,” Dan says in a shivering gasp and Arin makes a soft noise in response, “Are you hard right now? Are you turned on, Arin?”__

__“Yes,” Arin admits, his hand winning over his brain and he lets his palm shift from his thigh to his crotch, palming his hardening cock and biting back the moan that wants to leave him, “Are you?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Dan admits, “Pretty fucking hard.”_ _

__God, it was so wild to think that they were doing this. That Dan was getting hard because of Arin, from imagining the two of them together. Arin had made sexual passes in jest at Dan so many times, said disgusting shit, and maybe on more than one occasion let himself jerk off to thoughts of it, imagining any of the shit he spewed out during recording actually happening._ _

__“Are you…” Dan says, “Are you touching yourself, Ar? Are you touching yourself while you’re talking to me?”_ _

__“Fuck,” Arin breathes, “I…a little. Just over my pants.”_ _

__“Shit,” Dan says. He sounds hot and gorgeous and Arin has never wanted to be right next to him more than now, “Fuck, Arin. I can’t believe this. I’m so hard and you so sound so good and- “_ _

__Dan trails off a moment and there’s quiet along the line. Arin goes still, his hand pausing on his thigh and his heart beating so loud in his ears._ _

__“Dan?” Arin ventures after a handful of seconds, when the silence has dragged on too long and Arin’s nerves are getting to him. Maybe Dan backed out, maybe he realized how fucked up this all was and was backpedaling now._ _

__“Fuck, my parents just got back,” Dan says, “Shit, I’m sorry, Ar. They weren’t supposed to be back for a while and- “_ _

__“It’s okay,” Arin says, “if you need to go it’s fine, dude.”_ _

__“I could call you later tonight?” Dan offers._ _

__“I…maybe not tonight. I have plans with Suzy.”_ _

__“Oh,” Dan says, and Arin doesn’t miss the disappointment that is laced in his voice, but he recovers quickly, “I’ll text you then.”_ _

__“Sounds good,” Arin says._ _

__“I better go. I kinda have to get rid of this boner before Avi busts in here to check on me.”_ _

__Arin laughs, “Alright, man, go take care of business.”_ _

__Dan hangs up and Arin sets his phone on the mattress next to him. His heart is racing fast in his chest and his cock is still hard in his pants. Fuck. What the hell was that? How had they gone from talking like they usually do to this sexual angle? It was new, it was exciting, but also scary. They almost went too far and now Arin feels sick, feels that guilt like a weight in the pit of his stomach._ _

__He lies on his back on the bed and sighs, eyes falling closed and he imagines Dan. How maybe he slipped off to the bathroom to jerk off before his parents find him. He can’t deny the thought is hot. The image of Dan with his t-shirt in his mouth, jeans around his ankles, and his cock in his fist, jerking himself fast and rough, just trying to come._ _

__Arin wonders if maybe Dan is thinking of him. Is he stuck as permanently in Dan’s thoughts as Dan is in Arin’s?_ _

__Arin lets his palm creep back to his lap. He rubs at his cock again and moans quietly into the space of his bedroom. Why should Dan be the only one who gets to have fun right now?_ _

__\--_ _

__Dan does text later that night like he promised earlier on the phone. He texts when Arin’s finishing dinner with Suzy; some ramen she picked up from their favorite place on her way home from the office. Arin feels weird, guilty, feels like a child who broke a promise to his parent and is covering everything up. He tries to act normal, act like his usual self for Suzy’s sake so she doesn’t get sad, so she doesn’t doubt herself or him again like she had that morning._ _

__They’re on the couch with their ramen in their laps, watching _It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia_. Suzy’s distracted by the show and it’s easy for Arin to check his phone and read the text from Dan. _ _

___‘Just a reminder. I’ll be home in two days.’_ _ _

__There’s a picture attached to the text and Arin opens it as subtlety as he can, his heart racing. The picture opens to reveal Dan standing in what looks like a bathroom. He’s shirtless, the upper half of his lean body on display, a sly grin on his face like he knows exactly what he’s doing and exactly how Arin will react._ _

__Arin drinks in the picture, how Dan’s face is catching the light above him, how he’s been slacking on shaving and his jaw is dusted in fine dark hair, the way his nipples are pebbled against his chest, and Arin shivers despite himself._ _

__He texts back a reply: _‘Can’t wait to see you.’_ _ _

__Dan’s reply is quick: _‘Same. I’m excited to get that sushi with you.’_ _ _

__Arin smiles at his phone, at the lingering promise of the date he and Dan had talked about. It seemed to be still on and Arin is excited, but he’s more excited and nervous just to have Dan around again, to have him home. It feels like it’s been forever, like time has extended in this weird way where the last time he saw Dan feels like months ago._ _

___‘That’s how I win all my dates. Sushi.’_ _ _

__Dan’s next reply is a little delayed, enough that Arin has finished his food and is taking his bowl into the kitchen when he gets his next message._ _

___‘How do you feel about earlier? I wanted to make sure I didn’t go too far.’_ _ _

__Arin swallows as he sets his bowl into the sink, running water into it to let it soak._ _

___‘No, you didn’t go too far. Don’t worry. I liked it…I liked it a lot.’_ _ _

__He leans against the counter as he waits for another reply from Dan, seeing the three little dots pop up that signifies his typing._ _

___‘Kinda crazy isn’t it? I’m used to sexting…just not with my best friend.’_ _ _

__Arin smiles. He’s glad Dan’s aware of how weird it is. Even if they both like it, the sudden curve into sexual territory is a lot to take in._ _

___‘I know what you mean. It’s different, but it’s not bad, right?’_ _ _

__Again, Dan’s reply is quick: _‘Definitely not bad. You turned me on so fast. It’s fucking crazy.’_ _ _

__“Arin?” Suzy calls from the living room, startling Arin enough that he almost drops his phone._ _

__“Yeah babe?” Arin calls back._ _

__“Can you grab me a water bottle from the fridge, please?”_ _

__“Sure, babe!” Arin says and he tucks his phone into the pocket of his sweats before he pads over to the fridge and grabs a water for Suzy. He walks back into the living room with his phone burning a hole in his pocket, Dan’s message left read but not replied to._ _

__He hands the water off to Suzy and she smiles up at him, soft and bright._ _

__“Thanks, baby. You’re so good to me.”_ _

__Arin reclaims his seat on the opposite end of the couch and Suzy shifts so that she can tuck her feet under his thigh._ _

__“Who are you texting?” she asks, when she sees Arin lift out his phone to reply to Dan._ _

__“Oh, just Dan,” Arin says, “He was reminding me that he’s coming home in a couple of days.”_ _

__“Aw,” Suzy says, “That’s cute. I bet he misses us all.”_ _

__“Yeah,” Arin says, feeling his insides squeeze with guilt, “He sends his love.”_ _

__Suzy goes back to the show and Arin finds he just can’t bring himself to text Dan about their almost sexting venture with Suzy right there next to him. He just can’t. He does send a quick text to Dan just to let him know that everything was alright._ _

___‘Can’t really talk right now. Suzy’s here..’_ _ _

__Somehow, he feels worse sending that message than he had discussing the possibility of sex with Dan. Maybe it’s cementing the fact that he’s hiding shit from Suzy, he’s lying to her, he’s doing shit he never thought he’d ever do in a million years._ _

__He reaches a hand down and strokes Suzy’s ankle._ _

__“I love you,” Arin says. He’s an asshole, but he means it. He loves her._ _

__Suzy smiles, “I love you too, Arin.”_ _

__\--_ _

__Dan doesn’t call again the next night and Arin blames it on the fact that he’s gearing up to return home, maybe focusing on spending his time with his family or making sure he’s all packed up. He knows it could also be because Arin had mentioned Suzy, how maybe Dan hadn’t considered her as a factor, though it seems unlike Dan to forget about her existence._ _

__Arin misses the phone calls. For as much as he was dreading them he misses that nightly contact with Dan, where he felt a little like the world had been boiled down to just the two of them. It’s hard to break contact too when the last time he heard Dan’s voice it had been heady with arousal and sexier than Arin’s ever heard it before. He wants to hear that again, wants to get the chance to make Dan hard all over again._ _

__The two days before Dan is back pass quickly but at the same time Arin feels like he’s frozen, like time is moving slower for him than it is for the rest of the world. He tries to keep himself busy and not watch the clock. He tries to pretend he doesn’t even remember that Dan is coming home, like he didn’t open and re-read the text Dan had sent him with what time his flight was going to touch down, like he didn’t know that Barry was going to come in late because he was picking Dan up from the airport and dropping him off at home before he came to the office._ _

__Finally, it’s the day of Dan’s arrival and Arin’s in the kitchen of the office when he hears Barry call out, “Be back later!” and Vernon replies with a “Bring our boy home safe!”_ _

__Arin feels nerves in his gut. He’s always been the type of guy who could talk a bunch of shit and then mostly back it up, and he feels like that now. Everything he told Dan on the phone, in texts, when they talked about the kiss, it was all true and it was all what Arin wanted. He was more than willing to prove that he meant it. He was just scared that Dan could only hold up his end of the bargain until he was actually back, and Arin was in front of him, and it really sunk in just how real it all is between them. He’s scared that Dan’s freak-out was latent and it’s still going to come, and that when it does it will be _big_ and hard. _ _

__Arin knows realistically he can’t see Dan as soon as Dan comes back. That likely he’ll be tired with jet-leg and need to rest, that it’s more accurately one more day before he’ll see Dan, and he’ll be glad to have Dan back in California, but it’ll also be fucking hell to have him so close and to know he can’t see him._ _

__Arin sighs and finishes eating his bowl of pretzel sticks before setting the bowl into the sink and padding to his office to work at his computer._ _

__\--_ _

__To Arin’s surprise when he goes home that night he gets a text from Dan._ _

___‘Can I see you?’_ _ _

__Arin’s heart flutters._ _

___‘What? Tonight? Aren’t you exhausted?’_ _ _

___‘I just miss you a lot.’_ _ _

__Arin licks his lips. He feels that double-edged sword of guilt and nerves building in his gut. He wants to see Dan. He wants to see him so fucking bad, but it’s late, verging on ten at night and realistically he could just see Dan tomorrow at the office, but he doesn’t want to wait, he wants that opportunity for a private moment between the two of them._ _

___‘Should I come to your place?’_ _ _

__Arin’s nervous as he waits for the reply from Dan. He wonders what Suzy’s going to do tonight, how she’d react if Arin told her he was going to go see Dan. His phone chimes with a new text, drawing his attention down to the brightly lit screen._ _

___‘I’d love that’_ _ _

__Arin scoops up his phone and sends a text to Dan: _‘I’ll see you soon.’__ _

__He slides his phone into his pocket and his heart is racing as he leaves the study in their house. He moves as if on auto-pilot, heading towards the bedroom where he can hear Suzy playing _Tetris_ on her Switch. She’s curled in the bed, her Switch on her chest as she plays. She looks comfortable and soft and Arin feels his chest squeeze in fondness of her. _ _

__He leans against the doorframe and she notices his presence, looking up quickly with a smile before her eyes drift back to the game._ _

__“Hey, babe, what’s up?”_ _

__“I, um, was thinking of going to go see Dan actually.”_ _

__“Tonight?” Suzy asks, the surprise apparent in her voice._ _

__“Yeah, his schedule is all wacky and he said he has some ideas for some Starbomb stuff he wants to talk to me about.”_ _

__Suzy laughs, “He never stops working, does he?”_ _

__Arin smiles, but his lies sit heavy in the pit of his stomach, like a sinking rock._ _

__“Yeah, maybe I’ll talk to him about that.”_ _

__“Okay, babe, just be safe. Have fun and send Dan my love.”_ _

__Arin pats the edge of the doorframe, nodding, “Okay, love you.”_ _

__“Love you too!”_ _

__Arin grabs his keys from the hook by the front door before he heads out to the garage where his car is parked. Slipping away had been easier than he thought, but it makes him feel like shit because it’s only highlighting how much Suzy trusts him, how Arin is taking clear advantage of that trust, of his already solid friendship with Dan. Of course, Suzy wouldn’t question him spending more time with Dan, he was already close to Dan, they already spent so much time together that she had no reason to think it was strange._ _

__\--_ _

__The drive to Dan’s isn’t too long and for once the traffic isn’t terrible. Arin attributes it to the later time of night. He’s nervous as he drives. Dan wants to see him, and before that wouldn’t raise red flags for Arin, but now, with the way their friendship is evolving, Arin has no clue what’s going to happen once he gets to Dan’s._ _

__The last thing they had substantially talked about was sex and though Arin knows he wants that, he’s just not sure if he’s ready to jump into anything. Dan was more sexual than Arin, maybe making up for a lot of lost time, and Arin wasn’t quite used to Dan in the realm of romance. He’s heard Dan’s stories, his tales about hooking up with girls over weekends, sending and receiving nudes, how much he could love someone and want to be with them, but not make the relationship work more than a year at most._ _

__That’s the thing that scares Arin the most. He’s afraid to admit it, even to himself, but he’s afraid that no matter how much Dan loves him, he’s not going to be able to make a long-term relationship work, that it will all fall apart despite their best efforts, despite wanting it so bad._ _

__Arin’s on auto-pilot for most of the drive and before he knows it, he’s turning on to Dan’s street, slowing as he nears the house. Arin pulls into Dan’s driveway, parking up behind Dan’s car. The neighborhood outside is quiet as Arin slips from his car and shuts the door, padding up to Dan’s front door._ _

__Dan beats him to the punch. The door opens and then Dan is there, real and in person. He’s right there on his porch, a thin shadow against the light pouring out from inside._ _

__“Hey,” Arin says, and he barely gets the words out before Dan is scrambling down the concrete steps and flinging himself at Arin in a hug._ _

__He catches Dan easily, the movement so familiar to him, his hands winding around Dan’s slender waist, his skin so warm even through the t-shirt he’s wearing. Dan’s arms are wrapped around Arin’s shoulders and he presses his face into the soft skin of Arin’s neck._ _

__It reminds him of the few seconds right before they kissed for the first time, the way Dan’s breath had been damp and warm, had made Arin shiver uncontrollably._ _

__“God, I’ve missed you,” Dan says._ _

__Arin rubs a hand up and down Dan’s back, feeling the knobs of his spine under his palm._ _

__“I’ve missed you too.”_ _

__They’re being idiots, the both of them. Dan had been gone for maybe ten days tops. They’ve spent longer apart, but the distance had never felt so bad as it had when he was gone this time. Dan pulls back and he’s right there, smiling, dark eyes twinkling in the night as he grins at Arin._ _

__“It’s good to see you,” Dan says._ _

__Arin can’t help himself. He just can’t. He cups Dan’s jaw in his hand, lets his thumb drag over the patchy stubble that’s dusted along Dan’s skin. The move is intimate and Arin isn’t sure how Dan’s going to take it, but he leans into the touch, hums softly, his eyes falling closed._ _

__“Somehow it feels like you’ve been gone forever.”_ _

__“I’m back now,” Dan says, opening his eyes and slipping from Arin’s grasp, backing up so he can see Arin’s face. His hand slides low, taking Arin’s fingers in his own._ _

__Arin almost feels bashful, embarrassed to have Dan holding his hands, like they were teenagers or some shit; a whole world away from their last conversation on the phone, all the jokes Arin’s ever made about getting Dan to suck his dick._ _

__“I kept thinking about if things were going to feel different once you came back, if I’d feel different, or you would, or if being around you would change.”_ _

__“Did it?” Dan asks quietly, his face serious._ _

__“No,” Arin says, shaking his head, “Everything’s more intense, but it isn’t bad. I can’t really describe how I feel when I’m around you. It’s like you’re this huge part of me that I didn’t even realize took up so much space. My stomach dips when I’m with you, like, I’m on a rollercoaster or something.”_ _

__“Usually I’m the sappy one between us,” Dan says. He’s smiling and his hands are warm where they hold Arin’s._ _

__“I know, look what you’ve done to me, dude,” Arin says, barking out a laugh._ _

__“It is scary, I know it is. I spent a good long time thinking about all of this and if it were anyone else in the world it’d be too much for me. I’m close to damn _forty_ years old and I’m just now having my first gay experience…if it wasn’t you I’d just shove everything away, but it’s not anyone else, it’s you and I…I just feel like with you I’m okay. I’m safe. I fucking love you, Arin.” _ _

__They’ve exchanged ‘I love you’s’ before, maybe too many times to count, but it’s never felt like this, never made this surge of emotion wash through Arin. He clings to Dan’s hands as his heart thunders in his chest. It was like he was powerless, couldn’t resist this even if he wanted to. He wants Dan, everything in his life is drawing him to Dan. He can’t fight it and he doesn’t want to. At this point, whatever happens, whatever comes from these choices, from coming over here tonight, Arin will accept it and live with it because the alternative doesn’t feel possible. He can’t be without Dan. He just can’t._ _

__Arin leans in, blood rushing in his ears, and he catches Dan’s mouth in a kiss. Dan hums in surprise or pleasure and one of his hands moves to Arin’s waist, palm open against Arin’s side. Kissing Dan now is as good as it was the first time, maybe even better, because Arin’s not lost in the shock of it all. He can feel Dan’s lips slide against his own and he can feel the damp press of Dan’s tongue asking to be let in._ _

__Dan’s pressing against Arin, guiding him backwards, and it feels risky and dumb to be kissing out here in the quiet darkness of Dan’s driveway, but he still lets Dan back him up against the side of Dan’s car, the metal still warm from its time spent out in the sun._ _

__It’s strange to kiss someone the same height as him. Arin’s used to bending down to meet Suzy, or to feel her press up on her toes to catch his lips, but Dan’s right there in front of him, fingers fisting into Arin’s t-shirt, their mouths sliding together perfect and sweet. Dan’s tongue slip into Arin’s mouth and the sensation earns a moan from Arin._ _

__Dan presses against Arin, their bodies flush together. He can feel that same heady arousal from before, when he talked to Dan on the phone, when he was hard and needy and wanted to get off to Dan’s voice, to his words. It’s a dangerous and dizzying feeling. Arin puts his hands on Dan’s chest, puts some space between them as he breaks their kiss._ _

__“Dan…” Arin says._ _

__“What? Are you okay?” Dan asks, licking his lips and looking at Arin with eyes that are full of heat, but there is unmistakable worry there too._ _

__“I’m okay, just…I guess, my head’s in a weird place. There’s a lot of emotions coming out, you know?”_ _

__Dan nods and he doesn’t go back in for a kiss, but he lingers, his fingers seeking out Arin’s again._ _

__“I’m not sure if I’m in a good place for anything sexual tonight,” Arin admits, feeling his face grow hot._ _

__“Oh, dude, we don’t have to do anything. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression. I’m happy just to kiss you, or just to be around you again. I didn’t…shit, I guess I should have made it clear this wasn’t like a ‘booty call’ thing or whatever.”_ _

__“It’s okay,” Arin mumbles, “I…I’m not taking it _off_ the table. I just…” _ _

__“Too soon for tonight?” Dan says. Arin nods and Dan smiles, “I get it. It’s fine, Big Cat.”_ _

__Arin believes Dan and he can feel that bond between them, where they understand each other. Where things are pretty simple between them because of that understanding._ _

__“Things are changing but it doesn’t have to go too fast. We’ll tackle it like we do everything else. We’ll do it together,” Dan says, a clear effort to try and ease Arin’s fears._ _

__Arin nods, but he doesn’t really believe that it’s all that easy. It can’t be. His phone chimes in his pocket and Arin digs it out, sees it’s from Suzy. She’s sent him a picture of herself and Mimi lying in their bed, with the blankets pulled up around the two of them._ _

__Arin feels guilt like pin-pricks across his skin. It’s close to midnight now and for how much he wants to stay and see Dan he knows he should be home at the same time._ _

__He sighs as he slides his phone back into his pocket._ _

__“I should go. We do have to work tomorrow, after all.”_ _

__Dan nods, “I’ll come into the office, though maybe a little later than usual.”_ _

__Arin’s not sure how to leave so he leans in and kisses Dan once more, brief but sweet, as he slips away and heads towards his car, “Good night, Dan.”_ _

__“Good night, Arin.”_ _

__Arin climbs into his car and Dan’s still standing there, a slender line in the night, California like a magnificent and lit up beast around them, like something living and breathing. Dan doesn’t move even as Arin backs out of the driveway, the headlights slicing paths across his skin. Arin watches him even as he pulls back out on to the street. He keeps his eyes on Dan until the darkness swallows him up._ _

__\--_ _

__Dan does come into the office the next day. He’s good at pretending that nothing has changed. Arin is too, but he thinks maybe he watches Dan a little more, maybe smiles a little more when he thinks about him or sees him laughing with Ross and Barry. No one has said anything and no one seems any different, so Arin thinks they’re doing fine. The closeness is expected, everyone knows how much Dan and Arin care about each other, why would they question it?_ _

__They’re not recording today. Today is just to allow Dan to get his bearings, to adjust to being back to work. He sits with Brian and the two of them go over NSP shit, he gets the lowdown from Vernon on what’s been going on around the office. He catches up with Ross and Barry._ _

__Suzy comes into the office later than Dan and it’s her arrival that has Arin on edge. This is the first time since all this started that the two of them have been in the same room together, been around Arin together. It isn’t like anything is going to happen because only one of them has a clue that anything’s changed at all. Suzy slips into the office and makes a beeline for Arin, her face pulled down into an anxious frown._ _

__“What’s the matter?” Arin asks, scared somehow Suzy knows, that she can read his mind and his body and she knows something’s changed, that a part of it doesn’t belong to her anymore._ _

__Her hands touch his arms and she leans in to him. He can feel her palms shake against his skin._ _

__“I…my dad texted me today. I guess, my mom fell or something? She hurt her back but she’s okay. I’m just…I’m shaken up and he wanted to let me know, but I think…I think I should go back home for a while?”_ _

__Suzy rushes her words out and she’s still shaking and Arin’s quick to stand up, to wrap an arm around his wife._ _

__“Suze, slow down and take a deep breath, okay?”_ _

__She nods, presses her face against his chest._ _

__“Your mom is okay and she’ll be okay, but I understand if you feel like you need to go home and see her.”_ _

__“You don’t think I’m overreacting?”_ _

__“No, baby, of course not. You’re scared and you want to help. It’s natural. Do you want me to come too?”_ _

__Suzy looks up at him with big and warm eyes, “You have too much to do here. I’ll be okay. I’m not sure how up for other company my parents would be even though they love you.”_ _

__Arin nods, rubs a hand soothingly down Suzy’s back._ _

__“Let’s calm down and I’ll help you book a flight.”_ _

__\--_ _

__Two days later and Suzy is flying out for Arizona, Arin dropping her off at the airport. She’s calmer about the trip and she blows Arin a kiss as she walks through the glass sliding doors that separate the two of them. Arin had wanted to go with Suzy to support her, but she was insistent that she could do it alone. Arin really did have a lot of work to do. Grumps is in a spot where one misstep or too long doing nothing throws them behind for weeks._ _

__He’s set to record with Dan today, for the first time since the session that lead to their kiss, that sparked everything off. Arin had actually watched the last episode of that session, the one where he had paused the game to giggle with Dan before they fell into a kiss. It was strange to him how one second they could be laughing and joking and the episode felt perfectly normal and then after it was over everything could change._ _

__After the airport Arin heads to the office. Dan is supposed to meet him there and for once the constant nerves aren’t there, maybe because he knows Suzy isn’t going to stumble in on anything he wouldn’t want her to see, but also because he technically isn’t doing anything wrong. Dan is his co-host and they are doing their job by filming the show._ _

__True to his word Dan is already at the office by the time Arin shows up. It’s a Saturday so no one else is around, not even Matt and Ryan, who sometimes like to use the office on the weekend to catch up on work. Arin doesn’t mind. The session is supposed to run long so they can get ahead on episodes, it just means there’s more time he can spend with Dan. It helps that he knows there’s no one waiting for him at home._ _

__“Finally,” Dan says, giggling as he looks up from his phone when Arin makes his way into the office. Dan is sat on the couch out near the kitchen, a bowl of pretzel sticks in front of him. He grins at Arin as he pockets his phone._ _

__“You know how traffic is,” Arin says, but he’s smiling too. He can’t help it. Dan’s energy is contagious._ _

__Dan pushes up out of his seat and he pads over to Arin. His hand cups Arin’s elbow, his fingers warm against Arin’s skin. Dan is so charming, so handsome, it boggles his mind sometimes that Dan could find the beauty in him, that Dan wants him too._ _

__“What are we going to record today?” Dan asks._ _

__“Actually, I was thinking _Devil’s Third_? We’ve had a flood of emails about it lately. People are nuts for it.” _ _

__“It’s gotta be our quality Russian accents,” Dan says, “I’d love to do more.”_ _

__“Great, lemme grab a LaCroix and I’ll meet you in the room?”_ _

__Dan nods, his hand slipping away from Arin as he heads towards the recording room._ _

__Ten minutes later they’ve started the session. The game is silly and the terrible accents have them giggling like idiots in the first episode._ _

__It feels good to lose himself in a mindless game with lots of dumb action and impossible moves. It feels even better to have Dan right there next to him cracking jokes. Arin feels free and light, he feels better than he has in the last week and a half._ _

__They’re halfway through the session when the game suddenly grows a hell of a lot harder._ _

__Arin groans as he dies for what feels like the fiftieth time, “I don’t remember this being so hard,” he says as he slumps over against Dan, his head resting on Dan’s arm._ _

__Dan laughs and then his free hand is coming up to rest on the top of Arin’s head, his long fingers smoothing the soft strands._ _

__“Is the power of the Russian accent not enough to beat this game anymore?”_ _

__Arin laughs, presses his face against the leather of Dan’s jacket as he sighs._ _

__“Maybe I need a break.”_ _

__Dan lifts his arm and Arin shifts until he’s lying face up in Dan’s lap, his head pillowed on Dan’s bony thighs. Dan gets his hand back in Arin’s hair, fingers combing through the strands, making Arin shiver and feel warm all over._ _

__“That feel good?” Dan asks, his voice low._ _

__“Yeah,” Arin says with a sigh, “It’s really nice.”_ _

__Dan hums, “I like making you feel good.”_ _

__“Yeah?” Arin asks, his eyes flickering open to stare up at Dan._ _

__Dan nods but then he glances around the room, “I forgot we’re still recording.”_ _

__“Shit,” Arin says with a giggle, “I guess we should get back to the game or…” he trails off._ _

__“Or…we could take ‘a break’,” Dan says, his eyes sparkling with something Arin can’t place._ _

__Arin feels his throat go dry, but he’s pushing up and off the couch before he and Dan can say anything else that would incriminate them. Maybe he can talk to Matt and Ryan and tell them not to use any of that for the end slate. He goes out of the recording room and into the engineering room, turning off the captures, leaving Dan and Arin in true privacy even though they’re already alone._ _

__Dan’s sitting there still when Arin comes back and Dan smiles, his mouth a sly soft line._ _

__“What?” Arin asks as he takes his seat, butterflies running rampant in his stomach._ _

__“Nothing, I was just thinking how nice it’d be to kiss you again.”_ _

__Arin swallows, “I’d like that.”_ _

__Dan scoots across the couch so he’s closer to Arin, reminding Arin of that first time, how they melted together so easily, how the leap from best friends to more was less of crossing a canyon and more stepping over a crack. How maybe all along they’ve been building towards this._ _

__Dan’s hand finds Arin’s shoulder and he draws Arin closer, bringing their faces together so Dan can press his mouth to Arin’s. Arin doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing Dan, how each time is like a zing of electricity through his chest, how his whole-body sings when Dan’s touching it. The best part is that he can feel Dan’s smile as they kiss, he can feel every ounce of affection in the way that Dan holds him, kisses him, the way their lips meet in small crashes like lapping waves._ _

__Arin’s hand finds Dan’s hair and his fingers curl around a tendril, rubbing at the strands of hair. Dan makes a noise, low and deep in the back of his throat, and Arin’s stomach rolls. It reminds him of the first time he took Dan to Disneyland and how they rode the rollercoaster together, that anticipation right before the drop, the way his stomach had fluttered just as they reached the top._ _

__Things grow hot between them so fast. Dan is pressing Arin against the arm of the couch, his smaller frame pressing against Arin’s larger one. Arin’s head spins and his hand skates down Dan’s back, smoothing over the leather of his jacket. He wants to feel closer, wants to be _closer_ to him. He moves to Dan’s chest and then he’s pressing his hands into the opening of Dan’s jacket, urging it off of his shoulders. _ _

__Dan pulls back, breaks the kiss for a moment so he can slide the jacket off, letting it drop heavy to the floor. He’s panting and Arin’s feeling that moment, that hard edge that tells him if he passes it, things will happen. Arin’s stopped himself before, but looking at Dan with his dark eyes and his damp mouth, the way he’s hovering over Arin. Right now, the last thing he wants is to stop._ _

__“You’re beautiful,” Dan says, right before he leans in and catches Arin’s mouth in another searing kiss, his tongue sliding inside, tangling with Arin’s._ _

__Arin moans and his hips rock up of their own accord, rubbing against Dan’s jean covered thigh. That earns a moan back from Dan, their noises muffled, swallowed by each other. Dan’s hand is on Arin’s stomach, pushing it under the fabric of Arin’s t-shirt, his soft fingertips skating over Arin’s skin. He should be embarrassed, but with Dan he feels safe and comfortable. Dan has seen him in so many ways, so many times, at his best and his worst. He trusts Dan with every piece of him._ _

__“Arin,” Dan says, breaking the kiss and pressing his face into Arin’s neck, nipping at the skin there, “God, you turn me on so fast. This is crazy.”_ _

__“I know,” Arin says, “I…I’m already getting hard.”_ _

__Dan groans and he bites lightly at Arin’s shoulder through his shirt. His hands shift and tug at Arin’s t-shirt, urging it off of him. Arin sits himself up enough for Dan to strip his shirt off and then he’s bare chested and lying on the couch with Dan over him, Dan marveling down at him like he’s the best thing Dan’s ever seen._ _

__“Can I try something?” Dan asks._ _

__Arin nods, “Ye-Yeah, go for it.” He’s not even sure what he’s permitting but he’s willing to let Dan do anything to him, trusts him that much._ _

__Dan leans in and then he’s planting soft kisses on Arin’s belly, working his way up Arin’s chest, his mouth soft and wet, leaving damp spots on Arin’s skin that tingle with the cool air in the room. Dan keeps going until he reaches Arin’s nipples. Arin sucks in a breath as Dan closes his mouth around one, mouthing lightly at Arin’s skin._ _

__Arin arches off the couch and he moans. Dan’s tongue sweeps over Arin’s nipple, getting it hard and pebbled in his mouth._ _

__“G-God,” Arin breathes, his cock throbbing in his pants._ _

__Dan pulls back, “That’s kind of the thing about being friends first. You’ve already told me all your kinks. I know you love nipple shit.”_ _

__“I’m glad you remembered,” Arin says, shivering as Dan moves his mouth to Arin’s other nipple, licking and sucking as he had before, but when Arin’s nipple gets hard he bites at it lightly, tugging gently with his teeth, earning a gasp from Arin, “but I don’t want to be the only one losing clothes around here.”_ _

__Arin grabs at the end of Dan’s baggy t-shirt and tugs upwards, sliding the fabric up and off of Dan’s body, dropping it on the floor next to his jacket. He runs his hands along Dan’s side, over the narrow curve of his waist, across the soft round of his belly, fingers dancing over Dan’s ribs, scratching through the sparse patch of dark hair._ _

__Dan shivers against Arin’s touch and he loves it. He loves seeing Dan react under his hands. Dan leans back in and he’s kissing Arin, wiggling until he’s lying between Arin’s spread legs. Their mouths move together more frantic than before, Arin’s fingers sinking into Dan’s hair and tugging, he swallows the moan that Dan lets out, he feels the shameless way that Dan grinds down against Arin’s crotch, and how Arin can feel Dan hard against him._ _

__“God,” Arin says, “I can feel you. I can feel you so hard, Dan.”_ _

__“You’re making me hard. Even you just touching me gives me a boner, Jesus.”_ _

__Dan mouths along Arin’s neck, bites softly, just once too light to bruise and Arin is thankful that one of them is using their head and remembering that bruises and marks left behind would be a bad idea. Arin’s body is hot, needy under Dan’s. This is all he’s ever wanted, all he’s been thinking about since their almost phone sex incident while Dan was gone._ _

__There’s just one thing, one more thing he wants more than anything._ _

__“Dan,” Arin says, his voice careful. He’s trying to be neutral but he’s turned on and scared all at once._ _

__“Yeah?” Dan asks, lifting his head to meet Arin’s eyes._ _

__“Will you…will you fuck me, Dan?”_ _

__He watches Dan’s face, judging the reaction he’s going to get. Dan could say no, it could be too much. It’s no secret that Arin is into ass-play, that he’s talked about wanting to be fucked. He’s no stranger to the concept, hell, even he and Dan had brushed on the topic of pegging before on the show and Arin had played dumb even though pegging was a staple in his and Suzy’s sex-life._ _

__“Fuck,” Dan says, “God, I’d love to Arin. Are you sure? You want that from me?”_ _

__Arin nods, “I want it so bad. I wanted it the night you called me. I thought about it non-stop. I want to do this with you.”_ _

__Dan kisses Arin, rougher than before, but no less passionate._ _

__“But we don’t have lube and shit here do we?”_ _

__Arin’s embarrassed but he laughs, “Actually, I do…in my um, in my top desk drawer.”_ _

__“What?” Dan asks with a laugh, “You do?”_ _

__“Yeah, you know, for emergencies or whatever.” His face is scarlet, but he’s asking to be fucked so his shame has really gone out the window at this point._ _

__“I should have known,” Dan says, “Want me to go get it?”_ _

__Arin nods, “If you want.”_ _

__Dan pushes up off the couch, leaving Arin, and even though it’s for good reason he misses the warmth and the way Dan feels pressed against him._ _

__“I’ll be right back.”_ _

__Dan leaves the room and Arin feels his heart beating quick in his chest. They’re really going to do this. The thought boggles his mind but he wants it so bad. He wants to feel that connection with Dan. Realistically, he knows that trying to have sex on the couch isn’t the best idea so Arin takes it upon himself to move down to the floor. He also takes the initiative to strip off his sweatpants leaving him in just his boxer briefs, waiting for Dan’s return._ _

__There’s footsteps and then Dan’s entering the room and Arin’s heart is racing, his body filling with anticipation. The only person that’s ever fucked him before was Suzy and now with Dan, it feels like a completely different world, but one he’s excited to experience._ _

__“I found it,” Dan says, “And lucky for both of us I carry condoms in my wallet.”_ _

__“Like a high schooler hoping to get lucky?” Arin asks with a laugh._ _

__“Hey, Mr. ‘I hide lube in my desk’, I don’t wanna hear that.”_ _

__Arin giggles and Dan sinks to his knees to join Arin on the floor of the recording room._ _

__“You might have to help me out with all of this,” Dan says, soft and gentle, “I’m not really experienced.”_ _

__“I will,” Dan says, and he sets his hand on top of Arin’s._ _

__They kiss again and Arin’s hand goes for Dan’s belt, undoing the buckle and tugging it loose before working down the zipper. He slides his hand inside of Dan’s pants and feels the bulge of his hard dick through his boxers. Dan moans against Arin’s mouth._ _

__“You’re so hard,” Arin mumbles._ _

__“Oh, God, Arin,” Dan breathes, his eyes fluttering as Arin strokes him through his underwear._ _

__“The first thing we’re going to want to do is finger me open. I can do it or you can or- “_ _

__“I don’t want to hurt you,” Dan says, “Maybe you can start?”_ _

__Arin nods, something pulsing hot inside of him at the thought of showing Dan how he likes to be fingered, of prepping himself to take Dan. Arin’s a showman at heart and this is just another part of that._ _

__He takes the lube from Dan’s hand and pops the cap on it, shimmying out of his underwear in the process. It feels strange to do this at work, to be so naked and exposed in the office, but at the same time there’s something right about it. This is where he and Dan spend the most of their time, it’s where they kissed for the first time, it only makes sense that they should be having sex for the first time here too. In a way, it feels like their world, their own universe centered around this room._ _

__Arin squirts the lube on to his fingers. He’s so aware of Dan watching him, eyes trained on Arin like he’s fascinating._ _

__“I don’t think it’s too different from fingering a girl,” Arin says as he shifts on his knees, gets his hand between his spread legs. His dick hangs heavy in front of him and he strokes it once, hissing as he uses his slicked-up fingers to rub over his entrance._ _

__“Holy crap,” Dan says, like he’s in awe._ _

__Arin bites his lip. He loves being fingered, loves fingering himself, the pleasure is bright and intense, and the little bit of pain and discomfort that comes with it isn’t enough to deter him away from it. He’s turned on by Dan watching, by Dan watching the way his fingers begin to press into himself, how he opens himself up and begins to stretch himself to take Dan._ _

__“Does it hurt?” Dan asks._ _

__Arin shrugs, “A-A little at first but I like it…fuck, I like it.”_ _

__Dan’s working his pants off all the way now. Arin watches as he pushes his jeans off and then his boxers and then Dan is naked in front of him, kneeling and watching Arin finger himself. Dan’s hand drifts to his cock, stroking it. It’s big, maybe not as big as Dan had once claimed but still a good size, bigger than the toys that Arin’s had inside of him._ _

__“Guess I’m in the D-Club now, huh?” Dan asks, grinning, and how he can still look cute completely naked, with the goofiest grin on his face beats the hell out of Arin, but he manages it._ _

__“Are you kidding? You’re going to be like a VIP member or some shit,” Arin says, laughing, and maybe it’s even weirder to be laughing while his fingers are up his own ass, but he’s used to laughing with Dan, and he’s glad that comedy spills over into their newfound sex life._ _

__Arin watches as Dan grabs for the condom and opens it. He watches Dan roll it on to his cock, preparing in his own way to take Arin. Heat blooms in Arin’s stomach and he speeds up, wanting to skip to all the good stuff though he might pay for it by being sore later on. As he works himself faster he brushes his prostate and his thighs tremble as he bucks and moans._ _

__“What was that?” Dan asks._ _

__“I hit the good spot,” Arin says, his hand planted in the carpet in front of him to keep his balance, “It’s intense.”_ _

__“I wish you could see how crazy hot you look right now,” Dan says, “You’re gorgeous.”_ _

__Arin flushes and he can’t, he just can’t wait anymore. He removes his fingers and wipes them on his thighs._ _

__“I’m good, I’m ready now.”_ _

__“You are?” Dan asks._ _

__“Yes, God, yes, I need you.”_ _

__“How are we…uh…how are we doing this?”_ _

__“I’ll lay on my back,” Arin says. He lies down and spreads his legs, “Just treat me like you would a girl.”_ _

__Dan crawls over to Arin, hovers above him and leans down to kiss Arin’s mouth._ _

__“How about I treat you like I would Arin?”_ _

__Arin smiles, feels his heart thumping wildly in his chest._ _

__“Just lube up your dick and line yourself up. Go slow and when you get inside give me a minute to adjust, okay?”_ _

__Dan nods, scrambling for the lube. He squirts some into his palm and then he’s slicking up his cock, groaning as he touches himself. He plants a hand above Arin’s shoulder and using the other hand around the base of his dick he guides himself between Arin’s legs, pressing the blunt head of his cock against Arin’s hole._ _

__“You feel good already,” Arin admits._ _

__“Tell me what you need okay? If you want me to go faster or slower or whatever. I need to hear you, Big Cat.”_ _

__Arin nods, his hands holding on to Dan’s sides. He watches Dan’s face as Dan begins to press inside. He does feel bigger and the stretch is a little more than Arin’s used to, but it’s not bad, it’s not painful. Dan is slow and careful and he leans his head down to pepper Arin’s chest and neck in kisses._ _

__“You’re so tight,” Dan breathes, “Holy hell.”_ _

__Arin whimpers, spreading his legs wider to give Dan better leverage. His dick rubs against Dan’s stomach and he’s dizzy from the onslaught of sensations; Dan’s mouth, Dan’s cock, the way he feels hot and warm and _good_ all over. _ _

__It’s so much. It’s everything. Arin doesn’t consider himself overly sentimental but there’s something building in his chest, an urge that feels too big for him, too overpowering. He loves Dan so much. He trusts Dan with his body and his life and his heart. He’ll give Dan every single part of him._ _

__“I love you,” Arin breathes, “Dan, I love you.”_ _

__“I love you too,” Dan says, like it’s all that simple and easy._ _

__Then Dan’s inside and Arin’s eyes are closed because he’s sure if he looks at Dan he’s going to fall apart. Dan listens, he waits, he lets them adjust to the feeling of him being inside of Arin and of Arin clenching around his dick._ _

__“I’m going to move now,” Dan says, “Alright?”_ _

__Arin nods, his fingers shifting to rub at Dan’s back, across his spine, “Okay.”_ _

__Then Dan rolls his hips and starts a steady pace. Arin moans at the stretch, the angle. He clings to Dan, taking comfort in the body above him, in his best friend turned so much more._ _

__“Are you okay?”_ _

__“It feels good,” Arin says, “You feel good.”_ _

__The pace is slow and Dan feels _huge_ inside of him, he feels so much better than a toy, warm and hot, and big. He’s affectionate and sweet, kissing Arin; his cheeks, his nose, forehead, chest, any part of Arin he can reach. They rock together, sweating and panting on the floor of the recording room. _ _

__Arin wants to see outside of himself. He wants to watch the two of them, see how they look together, joined, bodies meeting. He wants to remember every little detail._ _

__“Oh my God, Arin,” Dan groans, “I can’t believe this, baby.”_ _

__Arin pushes his hand between the two of them and strokes himself, his knuckles brushing the skin of Dan’s stomach. There’s so much, so much between them, so much happening. It’s overwhelming in the best possible way._ _

__Dan shifts and he speeds up just a little, as if he’s testing the waters. The shift in his hips and the way he presses inside has him angled to brush against Arin’s prostate. Arin’s body jolts and he moans, nails biting softly into Dan’s back._ _

__“Am-fuck- am I hurting you?”_ _

__“No, that’s good. You hit the spot that’s…can you do it again?”_ _

__“Yeah,” Dan says, grunting, and he repeats the movement, hitting Arin’s prostate again._ _

__Arin moans loud and open in the quiet of the room. He’s so turned on, feels his stomach burning up, like his insides are melting down to nothing, like Dan’s reducing him to simple pleasures._ _

__“Don’t know how long I’ve wanted this…maybe since you told me you fingered yourself, since you said you wanted a dude to fuck you. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I thought I was fucked up or a bad friend, but I just wanted to be with you,” Dan admits, his words stilted by his slow and steady thrusts._ _

__“I’ve always wanted you,” Arin says, “Maybe from the get-go, some unconscious way deep down I’ve always been drawn to you.”_ _

__“I do love you, Arin, God, I love you.”_ _

__Arin strokes himself, eyes fluttering as Dan tells him everything he’s ever wanted to hear, as they fuck, as he gets closer and closer to that huge feeling inside of him just bursting._ _

__“T-This is embarrassing but I’m already close. God, I promise I can go longer than this,” Arin says, hiding his face in his arm. It’s all too good, the physical pleasures twined with the way that Dan’s making him feel, their shared words, it’s all too much for Arin’s body. He’s shaking already, the constant thrusts where Dan’s nailing his prostate._ _

__“I want to see you. I bet you look beautiful when you come,” Dan says, kissing Arin._ _

__Arin moans and he strokes himself faster. Dan breaks the kiss and keeps talking._ _

__“And you’ll make me come. We’ll come together. I’ll come inside of you, Ar.”_ _

__The thought of that, of Dan spilling into the condom inside of Arin, it’s what does Arin in. He jerks off fast and whines and then he’s arching and freezing, and he’s coming between the two of them, all over his own hand and Dan’s stomach._ _

__Dan fucks him through it which is incredible, blows that heat into an explosion. Arin’s body is like jelly, weak and well-fucked and Dan thrusts faster than before as he gets close to his own orgasm._ _

__“Arin, Arin, _Arin_ ,” Dan growls and then he’s freezing and twitching inside of Arin, while Arin pets his back, tries to catch his breath. _ _

__Even after he comes Dan doesn’t move, he pants against Arin’s chest and he stays inside while they both regain their senses._ _

__“That was…amazing,” Dan says, “Arin, oh my God.”_ _

__“You were incredible,” Arin says, groaning as Dan eases out of him and stands on wobbly legs to go and throw the condom away._ _

__Arin lies there, sweating and alone and in absolute bliss. He doesn’t want to get dressed or move, doesn’t want to do anything besides live in this moment forever. He’s glad then that when Dan returns to him it’s back on the floor with a blanket from the couch in tow. He drapes the blanket over their sticky skin, Arin’s body a mix of too hot and too cold._ _

__Dan lies next to Arin, traces lazy patterns along his side._ _

__“I meant it about loving you,” Dan says, “I know I’m kind of shit at this whole relationship thing, but I know I love you.”_ _

__“I love you too,” Arin says, “I always will.”_ _

__They lie together in quiet, their legs tangled, their bodies coming down from a post-sex high. Arin’s not sure when they fall asleep, or which of them falls asleep first, but they do._ _

__\--_ _

__The next time he wakes up it’s Sunday morning and they are still naked and covered with the blanket on the recording room floor. Arin sits up with a groan, his back killing him and his ass a little sore. Dan stirs next to him, looking angelic in his sleep._ _

__Their clothes are strewn over the couch, the TV still on and _Devil’s Third_ is still paused from when they had been playing it last night. _ _

__“Shit,” Arin mumbles._ _

__“Wha?” he hears Dan say, “Did Vernon find us?”_ _

__“No,” Arin says with a laugh, “Luckily it’s Sunday and our friends like to have their weekends to themselves.”_ _

__Dan sits up too, stretches and groans, runs a hand through his hair, messing it up more than it already had been._ _

__“I can’t believe we slept here.”_ _

__“There’s a lot I can’t believe we did.”_ _

__Dan looks at Arin, “No regrets though, right?”_ _

__Arin smiles, “Not a single one…except maybe that we didn’t wait to fuck until after the session was done.”_ _

__Dan laughs, “Well, before we record more I’m gonna have to get a shower in.” He pokes at Arin’s belly where there’s come dried to his skin, “You might need one too.”_ _

__“And breakfast,” Arin says, “I could use some breakfast.”_ _

__“Okay,” Dan says, “How about this then? We go home and shower, eat, and we’ll reconvene and finish the session?”_ _

__Arin nods, “Sounds good to me.”_ _

__He was afraid of there being some awkwardness, but there isn’t. It’s just them, the same way it’s always been them, the same way it will always be them._ _

__He watches Dan shuffle away from the blanket to go and collect his clothes, Dan tossing Arin his own in the process. They dress together quickly, maybe partially afraid that someone would decide to come in to the office on a Sunday after all._ _

__They leave the game running because they really do have to come back and finish up the session. It feels strange leaving the office so early in the morning, but Arin feels disgusting and hungry and he’s ready to go home and clean-up._ _

__He’s not sure how to say goodbye to Dan in the parking lot. Do they hug? Kiss? Wave goodbye like they usually do? Lucky for Arin, Dan solves the issue for the both of them. He takes Arin’s hand in his own and squeezes._ _

__“See you in a little while?” Dan asks._ _

__Arin nods, “Yeah, text me when you’re on your way.”_ _

__Dan nods, leans in and presses a quick kiss to Arin’s cheek before he slides away and heads towards his car._ _

__Arin’s in his own car and it’s then that he takes a moment to check his phone. He has several messages from Suzy, talking about her parents, asking how the session was, and then eventually telling him goodnight. He feels that guilt pour into him. He had pushed everything else out of his mind when he was with Dan, including Suzy._ _

__He hadn’t wanted to think about it at the time, but he crossed a boundary, a big one, and he had very few options left on how to solve it. He didn’t even know how to begin to solve it. He needs to tell her but he might lose her, or Dan, or both of them. He could keep living a double life. But someday it might catch up to him and he’ll still lose everything and then some._ _

__It’s too early to call her considering Suzy’s night owl schedule. He starts his car and taps out a text._ _

___‘Sorry, babe, didn’t realize my phone was on silent. I’m gonna grab some breakfast. I’ll call you in a little while, okay?’_ _ _

__He sets his phone on the seat, sighs, and then pulls out of the Game Grumps office and onto the already busy California streets, heading towards home._ _


End file.
